parenting is a full time fund raising job when you got no money
April 4, 2010, 2:43 am
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this might seem totally ridiculous, but since i am totally broke, i have to come up with creative solutions to the growing needs of two growing children.
oona and florence have ben wanting to learn how to dance for so long, and it was always too expensive. ( oona tap, florence hip hop).

i have looked into grants and scholarship, but there is nothing for individual students that want to learn, only for ” exceptionally talented individuals”  and all that. how is a kid supposed to start doing thing they want and get good at them?

there are many excellent schools in chicago, but of course i can’t afford them. i started a kickstarter to defray cost of tuition, i hope it works!

begging, one more time
March 31, 2010, 10:23 pm
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As I am now hearing back from MFA programs it’s once again time to deal with finances, and the humiliation of asking for money or resources all the time. My room mate suggested I should keep all the letters and documents I have written to ask for some sort of assistance so I can survive.

All the food stamps paperwork, grants, scholarships, utility assistance letters. The essay to try to get money for florence’s braces, the financial aid pleas to various schools, the letters to my landlord asking to lower rent. It can keep on going, I think.

The second step would be to interview the people around me and ask them how it is that they do what they do, especially the people I have around at school. Last night this eminent intellectual guy came to speak to my class, and he went off about class, communism, corporations, and the economy of generosity. Someone in the class asked him how he makes ends meet, and he answered that he writes, gets some commissions, and than his mother died leaving him enough money to buy a house in Paris, and save up enough to never worry about whether what he is doing makes any money.

I appreciate his candor, but it made me feel like shit, hopeless about my own predicament. After class I was talking to a classmate I really like and he frankly told me that his parents help him out with rent while he is in school, and he is 28, not 18. Again, I appreciate his willingness to share this truth, but it doesn’t give me many tools to imagine how I can live the life I want.

On one side I feel like it’s incredibly selfish and entitled to even feel like I can desire a certain life, but on the other side I am sick of seeing people with privilege being the only ones able to live fulfilling lives that are not bogged down by a constant preoccupation with survival.

SAIC offered me not even enough to cover half of their tuition for the next two years, and I had to appeal to the Financial Aid department. I am in between humiliated and defiant right now, and hopeful that they don’t totally shut me down, while being frustrated with the fact that I am still dependent on an elite, wealthy institution.

Here is the letter I wrote, because I am sick of these things being secret, and I am sick of feeling that everyone is very good at talking about art and ideals and blah blah, but talking  about what makes it financially viable or possible is super taboo.

I am an incoming MFA in painting, and a current post bac in the same department.  I am committed to the school because of its focus on helping us become the best artists we can be, without forcing us into one mold or narrow discipline.

I am a single parent to 10-year-old twins, and the first person in my family to graduate from college. I left Italy partly to leave the abuse and dysfunction of my family, and came to the US with my then 2-year-old daughters in 2002.

I worked relentlessly, and in five years had a triple degree in art history, international studies and painting from Indiana University with a GPA of 3.9. I was working, taking care of my daughters, and volunteering at a domestic violence shelter, because I wanted to try to break the cycle that affected me so deeply. During that time I accrued significant debt in order to go to school, as I had no financial help from my family, or anyone else.

I came to SAIC after laboring to make sense of my place within the art world, which, coming from poverty, seemed impossible to penetrate financially and intellectually. However I realized that such a sense of self-exclusion only keeps the pool of people that are successfully making art restricted to the ones that have had the social capital, means and time to dedicate themselves to art making.

I was able to come to SAIC thanks to a scholarship that covered the cost of tuition. To cover living expenses, I took student loans, and now have a total debt of $35,000. In this year as a post bac I have learned an incredible amount about myself as an artist and I can’t wait to continue this process during graduate school.

As I read over the financial aid packet I realized that my biggest fear of having worked so hard, and then having to give it all up because of money, was materializing before my eyes. Tuition alone at the school is $37,000, and I was only awarded $13,400 in grant funds.  In addition $6,000 of the award is work study, which I have not had much luck with this year. I am taking 15 credits, which only leaves me a day to work if I want to have any time in the studio at all.  The pay for work study is anywhere between $9 and $11.50 an hour, which left me making only about $900 dollars per semester working 7 hours a week.

The loans offer of $20,500 in Stafford loans still barely covers tuition, and will lead me to accrue $40,000 of debt in the course of two years.

Still, I would not be able to survive, even if I accepted the Stafford loans, since they would only cover tuition.

The additional $15,000 of the award is private loans. I am not in the position to take those loans.  As I mentioned, I have $35,000 of debt between this year and undergrad because I was shouldering the cost of school completely, without any outside support, and working.

SAIC prides itself on making students the best artist they can be, but that is a paradox, if my chief preoccupation coming out of school will be “where in the world can I find the $600 a month to pay back my student loans?”, not to mention just dealing with the cost of living for me and my daughters.

SAIC also prides itself on valuing diversity, but how diverse can a school be when the only people that can attend come from a highly privileged background?

I have many documents that show my situation and financial need. I have my IL food stamps award, or my checking account statement, or my tax return, and a plethora of other documents that can support this letter. Please let me know what you need and I will be happy to provide it.

thank you

without a net
April 30, 2008, 11:19 pm
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i have been reading the book “without a net- the female experience of growing up working class” for the jail book club. it is a collection of essays from different authors talking about the experience of growing up in poverty or in a working class environment.

it’s a really powerful read that hit home for me in many ways. it’s strange how the experience of poverty can be so ubiquitous and cross-cultural. in the books there is a story titled “filling”, and it’s about dental care and the difficulties associated with using public health-care.

i went to the dentist today and i couldn’t help sensing myself as just a character in that book. from the office ladies questioning my request for sliding fee scale, to them losing my chart so they had no idea about what they had to do. i went there 5 months ago and apparently i needed about 400$ of fillings. since they lost my chart, they took new x rays and according to the dentist that looked at them today, my mouth is completely fine.

so i went home very confused and hazy. it made me think about how i am used to advocating for other people within the hospital system, but it’s hard when it comes down to advocating for myself. the overwhelming feeling i get from cheap/public health care is that you have no rights, and that if you make trouble they are in power to just give you shittier health-care, so you might as well shut it and hope for the best.

when i advocate for people at the hospital that have been sexually assaulted or have experienced domestic violence, i can be assertive and unapologetic. it’s ok if they are annoyed with me as long as the person i am there for gets the best possible care.

the thing is, it’s really not the doctors or nurses that should get the flack. they are usually overworked, overwhelmed and underpaid. it always boils down to the fact that there is such an unbalanced amount of power between people, and humanity or dignity are relative to wealth and social mobility.

the icing on top of the cake is that when i got home i was eating a chocolate covered almond, and i felt one of my teeth break. so one of my bottom teeth has now a big piece missing, which hopefully was just a filling that decided it no longer wanted to stay attached. it just added a new little layer to the story, i guess.