BEYOND MERE SURVIVAL


.the cost of getting educated.
April 16, 2010, 2:10 pm
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so, i got my financial aid letter from SVA, and it’s too funny not to share. so many schools talk about how they value diversity and equal opportunity and how they are committed to helping students.

right.

the estimated cost of school is 54,000$ a year. which is insane. but even more insane perhaps is how much they are offering me.

0.00000000000

they are willing to loan me 22,ooo dollars, and the rest i guess i am expected to borrow from a bank, or a private corporation.

i am posting this because money is so taboo within the art school context it’s becoming suffocating. no one wants to talk about privilege, and inequality. it’s all about the arts, ideas and an inflated sense of entitlement or merit.

i want to expose how the reality of paying for fancy art schools is impossible unless you are rich ( or your family is wealthy). today i send in my letter turning down SVA’s “offer”. i would love for people to share their stories of how they paid for their education.

p.s i blacked out my address because i don’t really want it to be public.



the fly by months
October 14, 2009, 2:59 pm
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for all the activity that is been going on in my brain it’s surprising i have not sat down for a second to actually put in into words. there are different kinds of busy, the one i am experiencing now is non stop from the moment you wake to the moment you close your eyes at night kind of busy. it seems impossible to always be doing something targeted and deliberate, but it is my present condition. i was thinking about the name of this blog, and how gender justice has been such a undercurrent for my life, i thought my involvement with social justice stuff would never change.
however i have to come to terms with my choices and what it is that i love doing VS who i would like to be in theory in my head.
the thing is i love making visual things. it is the space, besides music where i am the happiest and most satisfied. but i don’t know how to come to terms with what that life choice involves. i am going to one of the most elite schools in the nation for art, without paying for it, granted, but i still have to contend in how to orient myself with that privilege, and with the reality of taking up space and resources for my own happiness and fulfillment.
maybe i just lack imagination, but artistic practice seems so fraught with elitism, and intellectual prejudice.
incomplete thoughts for now, gotta go!



what it all comes down to
September 13, 2008, 5:11 pm
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i feel overwhelmed. how can anyone not feel overwhelmed right now? it’s a race for mental space between what to do in the next year, being probably way too anxious about the oncoming election, figuring out what is going on with my surroundings, and how best to create a less fucked up world. i am overwhelmed by seeing all that goes on that is hurtful and awful, and that i feel so powerless to change most of it.

i felt like a joke tabling at the movie gallery last week for sexual assault prevention, while an onslaught of movie previews were streaming on the numerous TVs around the stores, slapping me with continuous sexist messages. it seems like an incredible paradox that the people that can create the most change are the ones with the most power. i don’t want to try to collect as much power as possible, just to be able to have my voice heard. the very process of accumulating power seems to be such a fundamental part of so many systems of oppression.

at the same time how do i create any change if my voice is silenced? whether because i have no financial stature, or because of my gender, my nationality, or my disability. so, i am struggling to figure all of this out while i am deciding whether to enter the world of graduate school. weirdly enough applying to graduate school, which seems to be such an elite institution, comes largely from having so little economical mobility. if i keep going to school i can be paid to keep on learning, instead of working a minimum wage job, and having the smallest bits of time to do the things i love.

i keep reading inspiring essays, or watching strirring documentaries, or listening to music that speaks to so much of what i have been thinking about, and i am tired of being the recipient of all of it. i want to be part of the discourse, and participate in the discussion. the hard part is figuring out how to find a space to do that without falling into all the pitfalls of elbowing my way through the crowd, and making the same mistakes that i am trying to change in the world around me.